Saturday, March 26, 2011

The Rabbit Hole - Movie


The Rabbit Hole is a film about a married couple who lost their 4 year old son when he was hit by  a car just outside their house. I was expecting it to be a tear jerker, but surprisingly the movie didn't make me cry.  It was actually a sad movie if I may say.  This was originally a play which was adapted into a film.  The movie takes you into the life of the characters and the different ways they cope up with grief, and how they found comfort at the end.

Losing a child is unimaginable, that is every parents worst nightmare. In this movie instead of the couple finding comfort in each other because they lost a son, they were sadly drifting apart.  While the father was trying to re-live the memories of his son, the mother was slowly erasing the memory of the little boy from their home, by removing things that would remind her of him.  She was starting to be cold and distant towards his husband, which I know in reality happens to some couple dealing with the same tragedy.  But at the end they both realized that  they have to move on with their lives, and although things were not the same, they had to try and act normal for the sake of their friends and family, and find comfort in each other.

Each person has a unique way of coping with grief. I guess you are entitled to grieve on your own for some time.  But I think that there comes a point where acceptance should come in, and that life has to go on for everyone.  Find comfort in the thought that whatever it is in life you are going through, you are never alone.

 

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Tuesday, March 22, 2011

The Choices I had to Make

When it comes to topics related to "residency training", I tend to be sensitive and emotional.  Call me onion-skinned or whatever, but maybe some people don't realize that not having to push through with my residency was not just a matter of choice, but of circumstances.  I had to prioritize my kids over career.  I have no regrets about what happened, but sometimes I think that it was a decision I never would have to make if I'd chosen a residency program in our place.

But being a wife, I had an obligation to be where my husband was.  Since he decided to apply for a residency training in Cebu, I guess it was just natural that I apply for a Cebu-based hospital as well.  It sounded easy, but was actually a difficult decision to make because I had to leave both my kids with my parents.  I was accepted for pre-residency training in Internal Medicine at the Visayas Community Medical Center.  I kept convincing myself this was the right thing to do, but I was having a hard time believing it.  I was losing my focus on what I was supposed to do at work because my mind would drift away.  I missed my kids terribly and I felt miserable.

There was only one thing in my mind and in my heart.  I wanted to be with my kids.  So I left residency training, looked for another job, and after a month Ross and I left the room that we were renting and moved to a new apartment.  Shortly after that, I fetched my kids and brought them to Cebu.

But the decision I made would be the start of a never ending argument between me and my hubby.  He would always nag me when I would go back into residency, or compare me to my friends who are already into training.  I tried to explain that it was a sacrifice I had to make because I wanted us to be together as a family,  I wanted to focus my time on taking care of him and the kids.  Maybe he does not realize how painful it is for me to be constantly reminded of how well my batch mates are doing in their chosen specializations.  If he only knew that I miss being in the hospital and that I've been longing to wear my scrubs and smock gown again.  It was not an easy decision for me to make, I worked hard to be a doctor, and I was turning my back on something that I have always dreamed of.  It hurts to realize that the person I was hoping would understand me was being stubborn and idealistic about the whole situation.

It has been 2 years since I made that decision, and never for a moment do I regret ever making that choice.  I know Ross still feels disappointed whenever that topic would come up, but unlike before he has not been pressuring me that much, (except when he has consumed a few drinks).  I hope he sees how happy I am, and even if he may not fully understand it, I  pray that he loves me enough to respect the decision I made. 


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Monday, March 14, 2011

Being Mean with Good Intentions

My husband is on his last year as a surgical resident.  He is also the Chief Resident in their department which is in my opinion both an honor and a curse.  Why do I say that?  Because residency training takes up most of his time, and now that he is the "chief", he is "on call" everyday, goes home for dinner once in a while and only sleeps over during the weekends.  I don't really complain about it because I know that is what we signed up for when we became doctors, I guess that is the reason why I had to put my residency training on hold, I can't bear the thought of being away from the kids for a long time.  

Going back to my husband, being the chief resident was a big adjustment on his part.  He was used to taking orders, but now he is the one giving orders, following up on his juniors, making sure that things are running smoothly in their department.  A few weeks into the role of being chief, I could tell that he was having a hard time because some of his juniors were missing out on what they were supposed to do.  Routine tasks like following up on patients, proper referrals to consultants, and other basic things were being disregarded.  No matter how many times he would reprimand them about those things, they seem to make the same mistakes over and over again.  Absences and tardiness were also a problem.  

He would tell me about these concerns almost everyday, and he said he was tired of not being taken seriously.  I guess people were used to the "happy go lucky" side of him, and that reprimanding was not enough.  And so he decided to be tougher and stricter, he created  policies for their department, and that whoever violated those policies would have corresponding sanctions.  He told me giving punishments was hard on his part, but he needed to do it to help his co-residents be more responsible towards their patients, and mindful of  their actions in the hospital.  Sometimes I would ask him if maybe he was being too hard on his co-residents, and he said that he won't be punishing them for no reason at all, and I trust his judgment.  Maybe Ross is right, sometimes you need to be firm to bring out the best in people. In the eyes of others, he may come out as the "mean or bad guy", but I know that he only has good intentions at heart.


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Thursday, March 10, 2011

That Special "Someone"


It's always good to know that no matter what life has in store for us, 
there's always that "someone" we could share it with,
 the happy moments and the sad
during good times and even the bad,
through laughter and tears...
 
You won't ever have to feel you're alone.
 
 

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Thursday, March 3, 2011

Au revoir à bientôt

I hope to visit you someday...


Dear Paris,

     I have been reading about you for as long as I could remember.  In novels, I would picture all those beautiful places the author would describe, but I most enjoy seeing you in books or on television.  I would imagine myself having my picture taken in front of the Eiffel tower or at the Arc de Triomphe de Carrousel.  I enjoyed reading about the Louvre Museum in The Da Vinci Code. But it would be awesome if I was actually there having a tour and seeing all those great works of art.  I know that there are so many things to do in Paris, eat at a fancy French restaurant,take a cruise at the River Seine, visit the Notre Dame Cathedral or picnik at the Eiffel tower.  My list of "to do things" could go on forever.  Anyway, I just wanted you to know that you are on top of my "dream destination" list, and I'm really hoping to visit you someday.  So I'll end this with "au revoir à bientôt", and that is I'll see you soon in French.



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