Friday, April 1, 2011

Irrational Fear

I secretly have an irrational fear, and that usually comes up when I am faced in a situation wherein I am reminded that it does exist.  That fear is towards "someone", but out of respect I want the person to remain anonymous.  I have recently been reminded of that person, and all of a sudden all the emotions and memories came rushing back.  It has been my source of stress for the past couple of days, and I can't believe that after all these years, it could still hurt so much.  The painful words that were thrown at me, I could still hear them at the back of my head.  I don't know why I can't seem to forget.  Maybe because deep inside I have so many questions.  I want to understand why I had to endure all the hardships I have been through during those times.  I guess the reason why I can't seem to get over it is because I have not had the opportunity to confront and ask all the questions that has been bugging me.  I can't even start to talk about it because it would suddenly bring tears to my eyes, and I would feel the anger, the hurt and the resentment all over again.

I guess for now I have to live with that fear, and learn to accept that it would always be part of my life.  I can't pretend that it does not exist, because it does!!  I just hope that one day, I would learn to overcome it. Talk about the past without a hint of regret, think about the past without ever having to feel any pain.

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