Tuesday, July 3, 2012

A Letter to the 26 years old Me

A few weeks back, my son was asked to bring a baby picture of himself to school that they would be putting on the walls of their classroom.  So I had to rummage through some of the old photos I kept.  I was supposed to arrange them in an album, I had been putting them off for quite some time and I promised myself to work on them over the weekend.  Just to be sure I had to write it down in my "to do list".  

As I was going over the photos, I came across my graduation pic from med school.  It was taken 8 years ago to be exact.  I was staring at the picture and thinking, if I were to say something to the younger me what advice could I give her?  So I suddenly thought of doing something silly and write myself a letter, so here it goes:

Dear 26 years old Chin-Chin,

          I really love this graduation photo, this was much better than the college graduation photo you had when you were 21 years old.  You look so happy here, probably because life was much easier for you despite the toxicity of being a medical student, things were always manageable.  I know you have your parents to thank because they always made sure you and your brothers had everything you need.  You never had to worry about anything.  Who would have thought that in a couple of weeks after graduating from med school everything would change.  Just when your batch mates were all preparing for their internship, you were preparing how to break the news that you were pregnant.  I know you were terrified not because you were going to have a baby, but because you know how disappointed your parents would be when they found out.   You were probably expecting the worse on the evening you were called to their room. They were asking you why you have been so awfully quiet and locking yourself up in your room during the past few days.  No answer came out from you, it was your father who broke the ice by cracking a joke and telling you that if Ross was going to ask permission to get married that he needs to wait until he passed the board exams.  I know how difficult it was for you to say what you were going to say next knowing that it would totally break their hearts.  So you just blurted out you were pregnant, mumbled an apology and expected a scene straight out of the movies where the daughter was slapped, the mother crying and hysterical and the father getting his gun and rushing over to the boyfriends house.  The silence was totally deafening, but then you felt an arm on your shoulder and your parents telling you not to say sorry, reassuring you that things were going to be okay and that a baby was a blessing from God.

          You knew from that day forward that things were going to be different.  That so many things were about to change.   At 26 years old, you had to give up your long time wish of walking down the aisle with your wedding gown  and chose to be practical.  While your friends were living their dream, you had to put your own dream on hold and focus on how to be a good mother to your son.  Another blow came to you when you found out Ross was being sent to Manila right after passing the board exams.  You heard the news roughly a few days before his scheduled departure.  You panicked and it seemed your whole world was falling apart.  It was not easy and for a moment you wanted to give up then, but you had to be strong for yourself and for Andre.  If there was one thing you were always thankful for, was that your parents were always there for you in whatever it was you were going through. 

          You still had to go through so much in the years to come.  You would learn that people can hurt you in so many ways, but only if you let them.  In time you would learn to shut down all the hurtful and bad memories because they would tend to hold you back.  You will realize that the love you used to have would change over time, but at the end of the day you will always choose to go back to that one love no matter how imperfect it may be.  You would find yourself enjoying a job you totally had no idea what it was at first because it opened up a whole new window of possibilities for you.  You will find new friends but definitely keep the old ones close to your heart.  You would still cry and get broken hearted once in while, you may be frustrated at times especially when things don't go as planned.  But as always, you would find yourself picking up the pieces or standing up again believing that whatever difficulties we are facing, it would all turn up okay in the end. 

          I'm sorry if there are times when you feel disappointed with yourself, but I want you to know how proud I am of you.  Don't ever think you made some bad choices, it was probably the timing that was not right.  I know how much sacrifice you would go through for your family, and you need to always stay strong because it won't get any easier, but the rewards would always be greater.  If you knew then what I know now, would you still go through everything?  You may have a few regrets, but I am sure that you would never turn your back on being a mother to Andre and Micah because that is the greatest achievement I could be proud of today.  I want you to enjoy every moment of being a mother, forget about all the things of the past and just keep moving forward.  You have to accept that life is not perfect, but that we should always be thankful even for the imperfections because then we learn to appreciate life more.  Always strive to be happy and be a blessing to others.  

          Keep on dreaming because life is always full of possibilities!!




   

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2 comments:

  1. aaawww!!! it's so nice doc. your a strong woman & will always be a great mom!!!

    ReplyDelete

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