Friday, October 3, 2014

A Woman's Story

I seldom see you with a frown on your face.  You always manage to put on that happy smile.  But behind those smile lies a story that has never been told.  

That seemingly happy person you see on the outside, is silently screaming out in pain from within.  But she manages to suppress all the pain and the hurt inside her.

I have always believed that pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional.  At one point in our lives, we would all get bruised and broken from trials and challenges we would encounter.  But I guess the degree of pain would vary depending on what life decides to throw your way.  For example, the severity of pain for a  couple who  falls out of love and decides mutually to go their separate ways would be less severe compared to a woman finding out that the man he loves cheated on her.  Others would say that there is no point in comparison, because in both instances people get hurt either way,  But the degree of acceptance would be different, and of course the letting go and moving on part would be far more difficult for the latter situation.

This I realized when I heard this woman's story... that at one point in your life, when you feel pain, there is always suffering... and sadly it is never optional.  Her story is one that you hear often, she caught her husband cheating on her with a much younger woman.  If she had not told me, I would never have imagined that it could happen to her.  She looked like a person who never had a single problem in the world, but when she opened up to me, the pain in her voice almost brought me to tears.  I have never imagined a person going through so much pain and suffering, yet is still able to go about normally in her life.  Because she wants people to believe that things are normal between her and the husband, that is what she said.  I can feel that there is still anger when she talks about the incident, and she always gets anxious whenever her husband leaves home to go to work or somewhere with his friends.  She said it happened a long time ago, and that she had forgiven her husband for what he did.  I asked her then, if that is the case then why are you still suffering for the mistakes that you never did.  You were not unfaithful, you did not cheat on your husband, but here you are, broken from within.  She never got to answer.  

I have heard a lot of stories of women who suffered from failed relationships, abuse, and betrayal, some of them manage to come out of it stronger and more determined to go on with their lives, while others remain unsure of themselves, feeling insecure, broken and sadly others hold on to the pain.  Why do we suffer too much when we get hurt?  I guess because there is a part of us that blames ourselves for what happened.  So it is never enough to just forgive those who have wronged us.  Before the woman left I asked her to think about a few things starting with learning to forgive herself for allowing the husband to hurt her in the past, I guess that would be a good way to lessen the suffering she is in right now.  She nodded and we agreed on our next meeting, she stood up and bravely flashed that smile on her face.  

As she walked away, I see her smiling and talking with someone on her way out.  She was back to her "usual self", the happy person she wanted people to believe her to be... if they only knew of this woman's story...

Tuesday, September 23, 2014

What Are You Made Of?

It is said that the human body is made up of different types of cells which is also known as the building blocks of life.  We have shape and structure because of the bones and muscle tissues in our body.  We have a heart that pumps blood into our body and a brain that helps us with movement, coordination and executive functioning of other systems in our body.

But aside from the anatomic and physiological factors,  what are you really made of?  What defines your humanity?  That is something worth thinking about, right?

The values and lessons passed on to us by our parents and other persons who have influenced us, life changing experiences, failures, triumphs, happiness and heartbreaks... these are just some things that may answer the question above.

So I dared to sit down and think about my own person, what am I made of?  If the power puff girls were made of sugar and spice, and everything nice, I guess I would say that the lessons I learned from life has helped me to be the person that I am right now.  The heartaches and broken promises, the struggles and the sacrifices played a vital role in making me a much stronger person.  The realities I had to face when I finally stepped out of my comfort zone helped me appreciate that there is more to discover in life and that there are endless possibilities out there waiting to be discovered.

The thought that there is joy in simple things, that love conquers all, that happiness is always a choice and that with God all things are possible... I am made up of these beliefs and they play a big part in my humanity.

Indeed, humans are fragile creatures, but I know that there is more to us than just broken dreams and broken promises...

Saturday, July 26, 2014


"Everything happens for a reason".  That is what I tell myself when life diverts from its normal path and I can't seem to take control of the wheel.  Somehow when you tell yourself that, you start to convince yourself that things in your life don't always go as planned and that once in a while you have to let go and let the big guy up there take control of your life.  

But what if something as terrible as the violent death of someone you know happens? No amount of reason can justify the killing of doctor who has shown nothing but kindness and generosity to his patients.  The first time I heard the news that a doctor was gunned down at his clinic, I was in shock! This is not the first time that such an incident happened here in Cebu.  Then when I found out that it was a close friend of ours, I was in total disbelief.  I immediately called up my husband, silently hoping and praying that Dr. Abbu was okay.  Ross answered his phone I could hear a lot of background noise, he told me he was at the OR and sadly my husband blurted out the words I had been dreading, "Chin, wala na si Dr. Abbu."  Those words pierced my heart and the tears just started falling. I had to get up, leave my desk and compose myself.  Memories of the last time I saw him flashed through my mind, he had this big smile that would brighten up any room.  He would always give me a hug or a pat on the back whenever we would see each other.  It is just so sad knowing that he had to leave us in such a tragic way.  I often wonder what was going through his mind during those last few moments of his life, and it hurts to think that he might have felt fear when he saw that gun being aimed at him and pain when the bullet pierced his arm and his chest.  He did not deserve to die that way, no one deserves to!

There are still questions that might never be answered... wounds that might never heal, a lot of us are still in a state of shock and denial.  For others, Dr. Abbu might just be a name on the news, but for those whose lives he has touched, he was a kind person, who always has that smile on his face.  He had a good heart and a generous spirit.  I would never forget your advice to Ross and me, to always value our family above all things, and to be grateful for whatever it is we have right now.  Thank you Doc, it was a blessing to have known someone like you.  We might never understand why you were taken so soon, but I pray that you find peace in the arms of our Creator.

Rest in peace Dr. Abbu,  my prayers are with you as you journey back home to our Creator...

Monday, July 14, 2014

Healing In Time

When you fall down and cut yourself, the wounds do not heal overnight.  It goes through stages of wound healing.  The first few days would be the most difficult because the wound is fresh and the pain would constantly remind you of how you got injured in the first place.  The next few days, the skin starts to repair itself by granulation tissue formation, neovascularization and eventually scar formation or remodeling. In a couple of weeks the wound would be completely healed, but the scar remains as a reminder of the wound that once was in it's place.

But unlike physiologic wound that follows the same healing process irregardless of the wound severity, healing from pain caused by emotional or psychological trauma is a totally different story.  Healing usually takes time... a lot of time, but sadly for some healing does not come at all.

Pain is inevitable, that is true.  No one is free from pain.  It is part of our lives... pain is what makes us human.  We all have been victims of it one way or the other.  Pain from a broken heart, failed relationships, pain from loss of a loved one, betrayal, or pain from life's failures and disappointment.  So when a person gets hurt, when does healing come in?  I believe that healing starts when you learn to forgive the person who caused you pain and slowly learn to let go of all the painful memories you hold in your heart.

I personally have my own share of hurts and disappointments in my life.  The pain can be so overwhelming that at one point I was afraid I might never get over it.  But I would not allow myself to suffer for the mistake of others.  I owe it to myself to brush away the tears, pick myself up and move forward. 

To heal and recover from life's major injuries is a choice.  Of course it helps if you have a strong support system rallying behind you.  But even if you have a whole pep squad cheering you on, the only person that can help you is yourself.  Healing should begin within you.  Start with forgiveness.  Forgive those who have hurt you as well as forgive yourself for allowing them to hurt you.  Then comes acceptance.  Accept that the past can never be changed and that things happen for a reason.  Learn to let go.  Let go of the things you have no control of, and be hopeful that beautiful things are yet to come.

Even if your heart has been broken into a million pieces, you can always mend and put the pieces back together again.  It may take a while before you start feeling whole again.  Healing is a daily process of forgiveness, acceptance and letting go.  Let time heal the wounds and help you forget the painful memories of the past and allow yourself to look forward to a wonderful tomorrow.


Sunday, May 18, 2014

A Work in Progress

I have been on hiatus from blogging for quite some now... 2 months and 1 week to be exact.  I just had so many things going on and it overwhelmed me to the point where each day passed by in a blur.

The past months I felt like I was walking on thin ice and any moment I could just fall deep down in cold waters and sink into oblivion.  There were days when I wanted to just crawl into a ball and cry myself to sleep.  But most days I carry on with my life trying to be okay because I had to be for the sake of my loved ones.

  I thank God for work because it kept my mind from all the things I did not want to think about.  But sometimes the painful memories finds itself slowly into consciousness and I battle with myself every time the hurt sets in.

You may see me with a smile on my face, but behind those smiles is a woman who has gone through her worst nightmares but managed to wake up from it and face a brand new day.  

Things are much better now.  Everything is where they are supposed to be.  I thank the Lord for giving me the strength to face each day with a happy heart.  Of course there are bad days but I never let it get the best of me.

I have learned that every day is a work in progress.  That we should learn to live each day as it comes and try not to worry about what happens next. I too am a work in progress. There are times when I fall into the sadness spell, but I guess that is okay as long as I know how to snap out of it before it eats me up whole.

In summary, I guess no matter what you have been through, no matter how difficult things are right now.  I promise you, things will be okay.  You will be okay.  Believe me I have been there, and I can say that I am more than okay.

Tuesday, March 11, 2014

The Past

Every person has a painful past.
No matter how strong you appear on the outside.  
Even if you put on a happy face...
I know that deep inside your heart 
There is a part that silently bleeds in pain.
Sometimes we choose to hide the pain behind our smile...
We choose to go on with our lives and pretend 
That somehow, someday that pain would go away...
But no matter how we try to hide, 
We can never run away from the painful memories...
So instead of trying to get away from the past, 
Sometimes it might be best to accept everything that happened..
To learn to live with the past and try to move on for the future...
To let go and free ourselves from thinking about what might have been...
To one day look back at the past without feeling the pain in your heart.

Wednesday, February 19, 2014

We Got Inked

One of the many things on my bucket list is to get a tattoo.  And finally I was able to do that a week after my birthday.  My husband and I decided on getting a couple's tattoo and we initially wanted to have a Latin verse tattooed as an anklet but then our tattoo artist suggested to have it on the lateral aspect of our foot.  Which may I say was a more brilliant idea!

We were both feeling anxious and excited at the same time.  I knew it was going to be painful but surprisingly the pain was tolerable enough for me to even think of getting another one in the near future.

After our tattoo session, a bit painful but happy with the result.

Guess who's feet belongs to who, lol!!

Amor Vincit Omnia... indeed Love conquers all :)

Saturday, February 8, 2014


A few weeks back I celebrated my birthday.  I am grateful to have been given another year to be with my family and friends.  At 36, I have lived a life of love and laughter, tears and pain, joys and sorrows... 

I have gone through so much in my life and I always thought that I would be ready for whatever it is would be coming my way, but I realized that you can never be ready for something unless it smacks you right in the face.  This brings me to certain realizations which I would want to share...

I have realized that indeed bad things can happen to good people, not because they deserve it but because there are certain people who are just too selfish to realize that their actions can lead to very painful situations in the future.

I have realized that life can really pull you down until you are down on your knees and their is nothing left for you to do but pray for the strength to stand up again.

I have realized that to "forgive and forget" is easier said than done and that no matter how you try, you can't separate one from the other.

I have realized that acceptance is an important factor in letting go.  Once we learn to accept the things that happened to us, no matter how painful they are, we can slowly learn to let go of the memories that haunt us along with the emotions that are linked to those memories...

I have realized that you should never blame yourself for what others do to you.  Do not hold yourself accountable for the action of others.

I have realized that you are allowed to feel sorry for yourself for a period of time; But don't drown yourself in tears.  Know when to say "enough with the drama" and carry on.

I have realized that healing is a process, and that it comes when we learn to forgive those who have wronged us.  Healing comes when we let go of the pain, free ourselves from hatred and try to move on with our lives.

I have realized that no matter what you are going through, there is always a reason to say that "life is still worth living"...

I have realized that life is always about options.  You can either choose to do wrong or do what is right.  You can either choose to be a saint or a sinner.  You can either stay or walk away.  You can either be miserable or do something great.  You can either love or hate.  You can either be happy or sad.  It is all up to you...

Once you have made that decision to do something, make sure to stand by whatever choices you have made in your life.  Because there would be no rewinds, no replays, no second chances.

Living my life one day at a time...

Wednesday, January 1, 2014

Hopes for 2014

A few more hours and we would be saying goodbye to 2013... 
May we never forget the lessons that it taught us, 
and may we never forget the people 
that has touched our lives in countless ways... 

I pray that 2014 would be a better year for everyone. 
May we continue to be strong amidst all the challenges 
that might meet us along the way, 
may we continue to have faith and believe that everything will be ok, 
may we strive to do better and be better, 
may we never lose hope even if it seems that all else is lost, 
and may we always believe in the goodness of everyone 
and spread kindness and love to all. 
Happy New year!!
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